Happy New Year


Does anyone else feel like they are just coming out of their summer “fog”?   I am.  It seems to take a while to get back in the groove after having no schedule in the summer.  Don’t get me wrong… summer was productive.  It wasn’t just sitting by the pool and sipping drinks….. we got a lot of projects done around the house but it has seriously taken me until MID- October to feel like things are settling into a groove!  Crazy!

So… The reason I said “Happy New Year” is because I think August or September (depending on when your school starts)  should be the NEW YEAR!    It’s a time when we start over…. refresh…. get into a routine again after a summer of being less structured.   Kids go back to school, Mom’s start to get things in order around the house.. and maybe start to take care of themselves again.   Work schedules out of the house seem more relaxed during the summer because everyone is on vacation here and there and Fall, well, everyone is back to business!   Even the calendars you buy at the store either begin in January or  academic calendars begin in EITHER July or August? How confusing!

I seem to place less emphasis on the “new year” in January and seem to feel a lot more inclined to start over and start fresh in September?  How about you?

I begin to eat healthy again after a summer of indulgences…. I begin to exercise again because there is a routine and I begin to organize after a summer of having everyone in the house.   September seems to be MY new year!

So… I am taking it on… Got new glasses to start off the “new me” and I’m back to cooking healthy and eating better!   I’m reflecting on the past with perspective… and dreaming of my future.

Are you ready to see some posts because I took most of the summer off?  What do you want to hear more of?  Here are my passions:  Decorating, entertaining, fashion & accessorizing, product junkie, food and cooking, parenting, travel,  some DIY projects, and Organization and business!   I feel like my years of experience can serve me well as I’m venturing into the “mature adult” phase of my life!  Tell me what you want to hear more of!  I’d love to share!


This winter… I decided to cut out the crap and eat nothing but REAL food… Yep… basically protein, veggies and fruit.  That is it.   No Gluten… no Sugar… no dairy.    I had to get creative with my eating….. so I wouldn’t get bored!   SOOOO I bought a Spiralizer!    How fun is this?    This made eating veggies so much more interesting!    Here you see my spiralized Zucchini  that I could saute in onions and garlic OR…. use as a zucchini noodle for my tomato sauce!  Yum!


I discovered how fun it was to spiral things… like onions (thinly sliced,)  potatoes, cucumbers, and squash!

Think about it… thinly sliced red onion for salads, burgers or sandwiches…. thinly sliced yellow onion for french onion soup, spiraled cucumber for an interesting cucumber salad with rice vinegar and toasted sesame seeds or apple cider vinegar, dill and pepper…. OR Zucchini “pasta” to satiate even the worst pasta craving!    It worked!   Potatoes also work great in the spiralizer…. for great home fries!   Oh my goodness!   So yummy!

So if you are looking for a fun kitchen tool this summer that inspires healthy eating…. Enjoy getting your Spiralizer!    I’m not even sure if that is a word… but… I’m sticking with it!


Calorie Free Yumminess 

Do you love a little treat in the evening? But the glass of wine or bowl of ice cream in the evening is doing a number on your weight?   Try my calorie free Mojito!  This is my new favorite concoction!    Seltzer, Lime, Mint and a little liquid Stevia!  Stevia takes the place of simple syrup.. and gives you that sweet taste!   Since good Mint is hard to find… I buy a lot of it, wash, remove the leaves from the stems and freeze!


When I want a little mint in my drink, I simply remove from the freezer… crush a few leaves and enjoy!    Now… if you want to turn this into a cocktail for the weekend… add a little Titos Vodka or Organic cucumber Vodka for a little something low carb!

I’ve been enjoying my mocktails every evening…. and if you don’t have mint… just do lime, seltzer and stevia…. Let me know what you think!


Eating Healthy For Spring



Are you working on your Spring Slimdown for bathing suit season?   Almost every woman I know…. and some men, are trying to exercise and eat healthier for Spring!

For the last 30 days or so, I’ve eliminated sugar, carbs/gluten and even fat from my diet… except good fats like nuts, coconut oil, avocado etc.   I have not had anything to drink but water, tea and coffee and have basically eaten WHOLE foods!  Lean protein, vegetables and limited fruit.

First 7 days were hard!  I admit it!    The natural inclination to grab a cheese stick, a piece of chocolate, a chip or two was super strong!  Now… I’m almost reformed although I admit I crave an occasional bagel, cookie or pasta, I’m really doing well!

Just thought I would share some of my favorite new healthy recipes with you over the next few weeks…. I would love to hear some of yours!

One of my favorite lunches is tuna with onions and dijon mustard wrapped in lettuce and topped with chopped tomatoes!   Lunch is under 200 calories and is filling and delicious!  Add salt and pepper to taste!   Leave out that mayo!  It’s packed with unnecessary calories!

Getting slim doesn’t mean not eating….. it just means you can eat REAL food … delicious food!   Here’s to our heath!

What do home decor, Campbell soup, football, royalty, Scouts, military, sororities and fraternities all have in common?


This little symbol… is the Fleur de Lis!    Do you recognize it?   You have probably seen it in home decor accents, The New Orleans Saints, scepters,  and crowns and flags of royalty and of european countries, the Scouts… the military, some sororities and fraternities and even vintage Campbell’s Soup labels used to have this little symbol on it!  It’s a super star!    It’s French in origin…. Fleur means “flower” and Lis means “Lily”.

If you are curious in nature… click on the link to learn more!   Fleur de Lis

Anyway… I just LIKE it!  I LOVE it in the new eSBe Designs Mardi Gras collection!!!   It’s timeless….and detailed per our designer!  It truly is a piece of art to be worn proudly and timelessly for years.. but for now… Enjoy it’s beauty…. and if you happen to relate to the organizations or nationalities that it represents, even better!

These pieces can make a great addition to any jewelry wardrobe or make a great gift for someone who identifies with this symbol!   Enjoy!

Where else have you seen this little symbol?  I’d love to know!

Mardi Gras Gold Necklace ($99) with Sundial Collection Agate necklace ($85)


Look skinnier without dieting!

I am actually trying to lose some holiday weight that’s accumulated over many holidays I think…. but in the meantime, while I am NOT purchasing clothing since I do plan on being thinner….. I can accessorize my current wardrobe with some jewelry and look thinner in the process!  It also helps me to feel complete when I go out… even if I’m wearing an outfit I’ve had a while,  jewelry simply dresses things up a bit… even a t-shirt as shown below!  (great for travel too)

Women typically wear a pendant necklace… usually something meaningful to them or just simply trendy or nothing at all.   Notice how adding a few longer thin and lightweight necklaces can actually draw your eye vertically…. making you not only look thinner but even taller than you are!   Your visual lines are vertical not horizontal.

Layering jewelry is also very trendy right now… but it can be intimidating at best!   You want to know how to do it right… and that is what I sincerely love about eSBe Designs Jewelry!  

I have learned a lot by representing our  designer and well, it’s like Garanimals!    Everything mixes and matches flawlessly… because we have ONE designer.. not a design team but one talented American designer that designs every single piece!  

So while you are exercising and eating healthy to shed a few pounds to get into that swimsuit….the right jewelry can transition you flawlessly into the next size down.

I love helping my clients select just the right pieces to suit their jewelry style and wardrobe!   I’d love to help you to either locally or electronically through messaging!   Send me photos and I’ll provide  custom jewelry wardrobe selections  for you based on your preferences!  Visit www.esbedesigns.com/theda to view the entire collection.

Gluten free pancakes


I love carbs! I love a good pancake breakfast but being at an age where carbs seem to make a difference… I’ve been trying to cut them out. Can I tell you I love carbs? These pancakes have literally nothing bad in them. A banana, two eggs, baking powder, pumpkin pie spice and real maple syrup .  They taste “real”

The key to making him look good is just a little bit of cooking spray in the bottom of the nonstick pan. I use coconut oil spray to be healthier.

Just mash up One banana, mix in two eggs, 1 teaspoon of baking powder, and sprinkle Pumpkin pie spice in!   Whisk together and pour into a hot non-stick skillet.   Use real maple syrup and and there’s no artificial sugar or carbs in this decadent breakfast. Easy and a totally enjoyable treat!!

Christmas Cookies


How many of you still bake Christmas cookies?   I know sometimes you don’t feel like it…. the busyness… the time it takes.    I totally get it!   Besides, we don’t need those calories anyway, right?Well, all that may be true, but when it comes to Christmas cookies…. it’s a tradition passed down from generation to generation…. it may even have significance to family heritage.   For example, my side of the family is mostly German… so a cookie I grew up with is Pfeffernusse.    It’s a spice pepper nut cookie covered in powdered sugar!  I think I appreciate the cookie more and more as I get older….. it’s a familiar taste… its something that reminds me of my childhood.  I also noticed my kids devouring them with excitement over the taste of our traditional home baked cookies!   Gosh… remember when we REALLY made homemade cookies every week because they didn’t come in the store?   Well anyway……

It’s always fun is to create new traditions with new cookies that you enjoy too!  For example…. my mother made a persimmon cookie… which was delicious…. it was like a spice cake cookie of sorts with a green or red candied cherry on top but this cookie is dreadfully hard to make since you have to find persimmons and also get the pulp out of them.  I honestly prefer something different… so I created a new tradition sticking with the German theme…. a Butter/almond cookie that is much like a shortbread.   Oh how simple and delicious….

Per request…. I’m sharing my recipes…   Maybe they’ll make it to your kitchen as a new favorite!


Pffefernusse cookies before confectioners sugar



2 1/4 c all-purpose flour

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp ground pepper

1/2 tsp ground anise seed

1/2 tsp ground cinnamon

1/4 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp ground allspice

1/4 tsp ground nutmeg

1/8 tsp ground cloves

1/2 c unsalted butter

3/4 c firmly packed brown sugar

1/4 c molases (unsulfered)

1 egg

2 c confectioners sugar for dusting

  • In a medium bowl, combine flour, salt, pepper, anniseeds, cinnamon, baking soda, allspice, nutmeg and cloves
  • In a large bowl using an electric mixer set on medium speed, beat together the butter, brown sugar and molasses until light and fluffy – about 4 min
  • Beat in the egg.
  • Reduce the mixer speed to low and beat in the flour mixture
  • Cover and refrigerate dough for several hours
  • Position rack in the middle of the overn and pre-heat to 350 degrees.
  • Scoop up about a tablespoon of dough and form into balls between your palms and place 1 1/2 inches apart on greased or non-stick cookie sheet.
  • Bake until cookies are golden brown – approximately 14 min.
  • Transfer the sheets to racks to let cookies cool slightly on the sheets
  • Place the confectioners sugar in a sturdy paper bag and drop a few cookies into the bag.  Close the top securely and shake gently to coat the warm cookies in the sugar.
  • Transfer to cooling racks to let cool completely.
  • Store in air-tight container at room temperature for up to 1 week.

Vanille Hoernchen (German Christmas Butter cookie)

1 1/3 C flour

2 1/4 C finely ground almonds 

2 1/3 C butter

1 1/3 C sugar

1 TBS vanilla extract

1 1/2 C powered sugar for coating after baking

  • Mix all ingredients ( except powdered sugar) in a bowl.  Knead dough just until it is mixed.
  • Divide dough into managable sections and rool loogs or snakes and cut into even sections to about 1 1/2 inch balls.  Shape into horns or crescents and flatten a little with your hand or use a cookie cutter.
  • Bake in a 350 degree oven for about 10-12 min or until golden brown.
  • Cool a bit on the cookie sheet and then dust with powdered sugar and then transfer to wire racks to cool completely.
  • Store in airtight container for up to a week.





Half Empty Nesters

So it happened…. we took my son off to college and things changed.

I knew it would… but wasn’t quite sure how.   I have a 16 year old daughter at home so I thought I wouldn’t feel so much change all at once but maybe it’s her age, but she barely needs me anymore.   She does not have her full drivers license yet so the good news is, I’m needed for something for a few more months.

Now you have to understand, I am a glass FULL kind of person and I was finding myself a little down, (I won’t use the word depressed)   My family noticed… and after my daughter and I had a chance to talk through it, we figured out that my role after the past 18 years was changing and I was feeling less important, less needed, less significant in their lives.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a great relationship with my kids so they’ll always need me in some way, but my “mom” role was clearly diminishing.

I feel pretty blessed though because my husband and I have a great marriage and we like hanging out together…but even a few weekends of going out to dinner with each other alone has found us feeling a little lost with all the focus on the kids for so long!  I know this is the new normal… and we are getting to just be together as a couple again, which is great!   I do feel quite a bit of stress thinking about marriages that are not as strong and having to endure this “loss” of kids in the house.   Either a marriage will be ignited in a different way after the kids move away, or the marriage will be so comfortable that no change will occur or… it could be the end of some marriages.. .so NOTE TO PARENTS… nurture that marriage because THIS is coming!

So.. cheers to all those parents who successfully got their kids off to college and beyond… I know a whole new world awaits for us as parents experiencing first jobs… kids not living with us (hopefully) and we hope, eventual marriages, grandkids and more… but we won’t rush that.   For now… we will enjoy this transition the best we can.

We visited my son at college this past week and we fed a bunch of kids breakfast before we headed home…. It’s funny how just simply taking care of our kids in some way gave us such joy!   For them, they probably just appreciated the free meal and a little break from campus, but for us it made us feel so much joy to give them some nurturing… because we won’t get to do that much longer!

Would love to hear from other “empty-nesters” or “half empty-nesters”!










A Faith Journey remembered

Moms hand

On October 7th 2013, my life was forever changed…. I got a call from one of mom’s best friends who informed me that Mom was found unresponsive in her home…. She was in her bed…. In her pajamas and simply was not awake or aware but breathing….   They took her by ambulance to the local hospital where they took her via helicopter to Wake Med in Raleigh, NC .   I packed in a hurry and arranged to fly out to Raleigh the next morning….. Called my friend Amy, who grew up across the street from me in Virginia Beach since I was 5 years old (who “happened” to live in Durham) and she picked me up from the airport and took me straight to the hospital where my Godfather, Kay was waiting for me.   Mom was in ICU, all hooked up to a breathing tube, IV fluids and she looked like she was asleep…. I was so scared to see her like this.  I had just talked to her a few days prior, and all was well.   I didn’t want to leave her.   I found out that the Hospital happened to have a hotel for family of patients.   What a gift!    I checked myself in so I could only be a floor away from mom but I could be in an environment that I could sleep away from nurses and doctors and beeps and alarms.   I hated leaving her… but I knew that if anything happened, I would be there in less than 5 minutes.    Being an only child, I decided to post on Facebook…. A private thing, maybe, but I decided I needed and wanted prayers.    I decided that I would “put it out there” so to speak and I continued to do so for the days to come.

Mom had a few visitors of course in the first few days…. No one could believe that Mom was in ICU.   She played bridge 3-4 times a week, mowed her own lawn, drove her car across many states to get where she wanted to get and really functioned quite well alone     In fact, she had just spent a few weeks with us in New Jersey in late August.   She managed an e-ticket on Amtrak to NJ and we visited NYC to see Meredith dance and went to Cornell to look at it as a possible college for David while visiting gorges…. And wineries in upstate NY.    We had a blast.    I honestly can’t remember exactly when this story was told to me, but one of my moms’ friends told me in the hospital,  that just a few weeks before her stroke,  Mom announced to her friends, that when it is her time to go, she’d like to go to sleep and never wake up.   God Listened.

On the Friday before Mom had her stroke, I spent quite a long time on the phone with her.   I had started to get involved in a few of her decisions…. Trying to help advise and immerse myself in her affairs “just in case”.    We spent an hour or so talking about her different Medicare options that needed to be decided upon by December.    She told me she’d be out the next day playing bridge so I probably would not talk to her until after the weekend.   I remember getting off the phone with her and praying,  “God, please guide me.   Let me know when it’s time to move her here or get a home healthcare worker, please take care of her and help guide me.   God, when it is her time, please take her quickly and let me say goodbye.   Don’t let her suffer a long illness or a long drawn out something that does not allow her to be independent.”   God Listened.

I didn’t know what to pray for.   I’ve had times in my life that I totally needed to give it to God, so I did.   I got on my knees and I prayed.  “God, I don’t even know what to pray for,  you know my heart, you know my mom, you know what we need so God, I give it ALL to you!    You know I want healing, but not sure if that is your plan so I’ll just accept your plan.   I trust you.”  God would give me little glimmers of LIFE in my mom.   She was literally unresponsive but I could see little glimpses of her in there…. She knew I was there.    So here I sat…. in the Hospital maybe the 3rd day…. It was honestly a blur.    I had great company with my friend Amy and my Godfather, Kay.   They were there so much I couldn’t ask for more, but there were times in which I was alone.    I wandered to the Au Bon Pain Café for a cup of soup alone….. I needed to eat.    I got my soup and sat there in a daze… feeling alone and watching nurses, doctors and families come in and out with other people.    All of a sudden, I heard the words being sung over the radio.    They were singing “You Are Not Alone”   This was obviously a Christian song….. and I heard it.  I heard the words….. In a moment that I was feeling alone,  God spoke to me to let me know that I was NOT alone.      I was astounded because I listened to see if the next song was a Christian song… it was not.   It was a popular secular song…. God was listening and He was letting me know HE was there.

This could have been day 4 or 5 at this point… I can’t remember the actual day but I do remember the order of events.    I was wandering down the hospital corridors in a daze again.    I was exhausted by doing nothing.  All the sitting, the waiting, the crying, the stress…. I was literally exhausted but I had not done anything.   I was walking and looking at other people in the halls.  Were they celebrating a baby being born, was someone having surgery or was someone clinging to life like my mom was?    I was focused on others and wondering what they were going through and I caught myself humming.   Once I realized I was humming, I had to figure out WHAT I was humming.   Then, when I recognized the song I was humming, I had to figure out the WORDS to what I  was humming.    I actually had to look them up.    I was humming  “ Great is the Lord, he is holy and just, by his power we trust in the Lord… Great is the Lord, he is faithful and True, by his Mercy he proves, He is Love.”   God let me know that HE is GREAT and he is Holy and just and I should trust HIM because he is faithful and true and by his Mercy he proves, HE IS LOVE!

I continued to pray on my knees…. Sobbing and honestly wailing.    I heard cries come of me that I could not recognize in myself.     I continued to wake up early, be at moms’ bedside before shift change and sit with her all day until after shift change again…. Allowing myself to go to sleep in a normal “room”.    My posting on Facebook caught the attention of some of my sorority sisters and friends and all of a sudden, I got a message from my friend, Andrea.  She said, “I’m at Wake Med, where are you?”   I messaged her back, she showed up, and we prayed… and Andrea witnessed my mom giving me a “thumbs up” because she heard me.   It was a miracle.   I knew she KNEW I was there.    Andrea and I had not seen each other in 15 years at least.    God put her in a place to BE there for me I know.   What a comfort!   I honestly couldn’t believe it.   What a gift!   We decided we’d go to dinner one night to get me out of the hospital…. We’d plan it day by day.  I know looking back, that God placed Andrea in my path JUST when I needed her.   God is GOOD and I was thankful!

Another day…. Another Sorority sister “happened” to stop by.   I didn’t even know she lived nearby.    Alison showed up…. And Alison and Andrea and I went to dinner on a night that I didn’t have ANYONE to eat with.  I stayed at my Godfather’s house a few nights to get out of the hospital when he was out of town.   I was starting to get used to the routine and I knew moms vitals and I was getting more comfortable with her day to day routine.   I was starting to know the nurses, the process and the Neurologist and I agreed that we would wait until we medically needed to make a decision to take out the vent.    It didn’t need to happen right away.   I was seeing small progress with mom but I knew it would not be a life that she would want to live.   She could not speak or feed herself or take care of hygine.   She was in a permanent coma but I wanted to give God a chance to give me a miracle.   I was hopeful.

This next day…. A day I won’t forget.    I was alone.  Kay and Amy, the “rocks” that I had been blessed with for days could not be there for me.  I was so grateful for any company, any distraction.   Amy was so positive…. Kay was so calm.  They were perfect for what I needed but they were not there the day that the ICU doctor came to speak to me.    He told me that we were running out of time.  It was day 8… and we could only medically leave the vent in about 10 days.    After 10 days, we’d have to do a trach.   I knew mom would not want that nor a feeding tube.    My mom had prepared a medical directive to insure that there would be NO mistaking that mom did not want to be in a permanent vegetative state.   A third sorority sister, Beth  messaged me that she would like to stop by.    This was a day that I’m sure she didn’t know she was walking into.    She and I shared a cup of coffee and I got to share my heart as they had just informed me that we needed to make a decision to remove mom’s vent and feeding tube.   Now was the time.  God gave me this ANGEL at the perfect time….. and I later called Dave and told him I needed him here to remove the vent.   I could not do it alone.  The interesting thing… Beth and I, while “friends” on Facebook and sorority sisters, had not really been in contact until recently and Beth was not on Facebook a lot.    She “happened” to get a FB email about Andrea and Alison and I going out to dinner and happened to reach out.    “Happened”    I would like to say “planned”.

Dave flew in and Amy was there to pick Dave up at the airport.   What a friend.   Amy, Dave and I and the preacher were all on hand for this event.     I didn’t want to drag this out any longer…. We decided that at 3pm we would make this happen.   So much emotion.   Thank God Mom made her wishes clear.    It was a hard decision but knowing that I was doing what Mom wanted made it doable.    I had support….. I was blessed.    It was an emotional afternoon.   There was a phenomenal ICU nurse that day…. Eileen.   She seemed to be the perfect amount of gentile and caring, knowledgeable and prayerful…. She let me know that she was praying for us.    When the Respatory Therapist took out the vent, Mom gave me a gift…. God gave me a gift.   Mom mouthed a raspy few caring words… that Dave and Amy all heard as well.  Mom said slowly and deliberately, “I love you,   I love you” before she fell asleep again.     I was blown away…. Mom had not been responsive at all.  She would be “aware” or “awake” if you even wanted to call it that, for 10 seconds about 2 times a day.    She just told me that she loved me!   What a gift from God!     We prayed, we sang and we expected Mom to go to heaven that day… but the doctors didn’t know how strong mom was.     Mom’s preacher, Joe, sat with mom as Dave, Amy and I went to dinner at a nearby Ruby Tuesday.   ( I was really tired of hospital food)    When we sat down, our waitress said, “Hi my name is Angelica, I’ll be taking care of you tonight.”   And I thought…. Of course your name is Angelica!    Of course it is!  God sent you!

WE  ordered our dinner when all of a sudden, through the windows in the parking lot, a truck turned on his headlights.   It caught all of our attention because the headlights were bright and shining in our eyes…..   We all looked in that direction, when all of a sudden Amy said,  “ Look at the license plate”   The license plate read one word….. “GOD”    Amy then joked, “God is shining his light on you!”   we laughed, “with a Ford F 150” God listened and he had a sense of humor!   God Let me know that all was well!

The next day was hard…. They moved mom to a private room rather than ICU and a few days prior, a Hospice nurse had come to talk to us about Hospice and I was not ready to hear it.    The Nurses Aide was sweet and caring and she took the time to help me bathe mom and make me feel good about her new surroundings….. she happened to mention that her last assignment was with Hospice and how wonderful it was.    How did she know that I needed to hear that at that moment?     It was a decision I was struggling with…… God placed her in the right place at the right time.     We made arrangements to move mom to the Hospice House where mom had actually shown me before on my last trip to Smithfield.    It was if she knew.   The sun shone the next day on a trip in which literally, the entire two weeks I had been in NC had been gloomy.

We got Mom moved “home” to Smithfield.  She was in a beautiful room with a painting of an Angel… a view of a fountain and a bird feeder.    It was PERFECT!     The pastor came in to greet us and we discovered that the room had a painting of an Angel that was painted by a member of her church… a member who had actually died in that room….   God gave us another Angel.

Mom had visitors and several ladies from the church came.  I had to laugh when one member said to me, “Is there anything at all I can do?”  I responded, “No, I can’t think of anything at all unless you happen to know how I can get food to a food pantry.”   The ONE person I happened to mention this to and guess what she happened to be….. a volunteer at the Food Pantry!   Of course she was!  God placed her exactly where she needed to be at the right moment!  Mom loved to cook and she stocked up on lots of canned goods that needed to be donated.  How perfect for the holidays to help others in need.

The days there were also long but more enjoyable environment but we knew moms time was limited….. no food, no IV fluid…. This could be days or weeks.    No one knew.      Dave had spent the first day with me in Mom’s house in Smithfield…. But he needed to go home to the kids…. I was going to be spending one night, my only night alone in mom’s house.   I was anxious and uneasy…. I mentioned to the nurse on duty that I needed to go to Walmart to get some yogurt but that I didn’t want to go there after dark.    She announced, “ There’s a Sweet Frog Yogurt place next to Belk”    I wasn’t thinking frozen yogurt … I was thinking Greek Yogurt for breakfast but oh well.     It was time to leave mom… and go back to her house.   I was feeling uneasy…. Not only about staying at Mom’s house alone but also the fact that when I left, I could not find a nurse to say goodbye to.   I wanted to let a nurse know that I was leaving.     As I made the decision to leave, I saw the nurse in the parking lot chatting with the other nurse that was going off duty.    I was upset by this.  I wanted her to know that I saw her and I stopped by the car, gave her my business card with my cell phone number and said, “I just wanted to give you my cell phone number in case you need me. “   I drove away…. I was disturbed and frustrated.   I was not hungry but it was dinner time.   I decided I would go to Sweet Frog Yogurt and get frozen yogurt for dinner… and then drive back to the Hospice House and check to make sure the Nurse was back on duty.     I drove to  Sweet Frog – feeling a little lonely and proceeded to pick out my yogurt flavor.    As I poured the yogurt in my cup, I noticed the Sweet Frog Logo acronym.    FROG (Fully Rely On God) was above the yogurt dispenser.   “Okay God, I hear you!  I’ll fully rely on YOU”   I said to myself.   I walked confidently out, ate my yogurt and went to my moms house alone where I spent the evening talking with friends and trying to keep myself busy.

The next morning, I spent largely alone with mom.    I crawled in bed with her and hugged her…. Talked to her and told her that it was okay to go.  I prayed with her, I sang to her…. I was WITH HER.   I got a text from my great friend Michelle and she said, I’m thinking about coming, can I come spend the night with you tonight?.   YES!!! WOW!!  How awesome!   I didn’t have anyone to be with me tonight.  What a gift!  She was on her way.

One of mom’s church friends stopped by to visit and to give me book on loan…. A daily devotional.     Jesus Callingbook.  I turned to the DAY…. October 22nd… It read.

“No matter what your circumstances may be, you can find Joy in My Presence.  On some days, Joy is generously strewn along your life-path, glistening in the sunlight.  On days like that, being content is as simple as breathing the next breath or taking the next step.    Other days are overcast and gloomy; you feel the strain of the journey, which seems endless.  Dull gray rocks greet your gaze and cause your feet to ache.  Yet Joy is still attainable.   Search for it as for hidden treasure.

Begin by remembering that I have created this day:  it is not a chance occurrence.  Recall that I am present with you whether you sense My Presence or not.   Then, Start talking with Me about whatever is on your mind.  Rejoice in the fact that I understand you perfectly and I know exactly what you are experiencing.  As you continue communicating with Me, your mood will gradually lighten.  Awareness of My marvelous Companionship can infuse Joy into the grayest of day.”    Psalm 21:6 ; Proverbs 2:4

That afternoon, Moms’ neighbor, Judy stopped by to visit… she had been out of town for a few weeks and had JUST gotten in.     It was 2:30pm and I had not eaten lunch yet… I asked her, “Judy, would you mind sitting with mom for just an hour so I can go grab some lunch.  I’m so hungry”    She agreed graciously.  Kay and Amy and I went to Ruby Tuesday when Elaine, the ICU nurse texted me and wanted to let me know she was praying for me. Michelle drove in from Richmond to meet us at the restaurant and we finished our quick lunch.   As we were driving to Hospice House, the Hospice nurse called me to say, “Don’t hurry, but we think it’s time”  So we hurried as fast as we could to the Hospice House….

I was surrounded by Kay, Amy and Michelle when we were there for Moms’ last breath…. At approximately 3:40 pm.   March 4th is my Birthday…. So I could remember that.   Is that a coincidence too?   I was not alone for her last breath…..I was surrounded by friends….. what a gift!   God knew what I needed.    Judy was in the room and she was the spiritual leader.  She said a beautiful prayer….. and she “happened” to be a grief share counselor.   God placed just the right people in my path at the perfect time.    It could not be any more perfectly crafted.   I had Michelle to stay at Mom’s house with me… I was comforted….. God had listened and looked out for me.

That night, I went to bed and I talked to my mom… “Mom…. Let me know you are here.. but don’t scare me to death”…. I went to bed, turned off all the lights and went to sleep to awake at 1:30am to the light on the dresser being on.    Not sure how it got turned on but it was.    I turned it off…. Looked to see if it was on a timer, it was not.    I dreamed of mom until morning.   I felt comfort.

Finally, Mom’s pastor came up to me after her memorial service,  he pulled me aside…. He wanted to give me something.    It was a NEW Hymnal that mom had ordered for herself… her own personal copy.   She loved music.   On the cover of this Hymnal that was about to be dedicated in November, the gold words read, “Glory to God”.     It was as if God was glorified thru this entire process!

A few Days later, I read a private message from a friend who actually used my facebook posts as a lesson plan for her Sunday School. She took the time to count the number of times I mentioned Prayer and God (the same number, 19) and the number of times I mentioned miracle and love and being blessed.   She found that these posts got over 3000 virtual prayers, hugs, well wishes over 14 days and I would say that GOD used me and this situation to HIS glory!   WOW! What a journey.  I am sad, I will miss Mom but God gave me the ability to say goodbye to Mom, she got to tell me she loved me and God was glorified.   How can I be too sad?   How can I be sad when God worked miracles in my life and held me the entire time?    I am blessed!!!